


I'm not a damsel in distress (but I want you to save me)

by crystalclark94



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: #protectisakatallcosts, Angst, Confessions of love, Discussions of mental illness, FIx It, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Mental Illness, Set directly after episode 8, also Even is everything, and then Isak is happy, basically Isak is sad, but the ending makes up for it, due to heartache, i think, lots of angst tbh, mild depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 23:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9094840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalclark94/pseuds/crystalclark94
Summary: My very late (so so so late) version of a fix it AU after episode 8. This is set directly after Even gets arrested for public nudity.____ “What happens after I’ve saved you?” and then you answer:“I’ll save you right back.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I’ve only seen up to episode 8 of season 3, So this is set right after Even takes Isak to the suite and gets arrested. My take on a fix it AU.

“What happens after I’ve saved you?” and then you answer

“I’ll save you right back.”

 

Isak is completely numb. He’s in his smelly room strewn across the bed. On top of the covers because he couldn’t even be bothered to get underneath them. There are goosebumps dotting his skin from the chill seeping into his room from the windows. Norwegian winters are no joke. He thinks his breath might even be beginning to fog up the air in front of him. 

He’s been lying here since he left Even in the jail cell, didn’t even go to see if he was alright. He’d just bolted after Sonja spilled the truth, brutally. 

Even is sick. Even is unwell. Even is manic… Even is mentally ill. 

And doesn’t that just explain so much. The hot and cold behavior. The crazy highs and electric thirst for life and Isak that Even would have one minute, and then it would just vanish the next. Like all of the intensity and passion would go up in smoke. Even would disappear for days on end, not replying to Isaks messages. He would completely ignore him. 

But… but then he would come back. 

He’d wash over the hurt with that smile of his that lit up the fucking room. He’d explain away his actions with one of his drawings, what if in another universe…., He’d just joke it away and smooth over the cracks with laughter and close proximity. Would kiss him breathless. Would make him feel like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. 

In the short time that Isak has known Even, those were the times that he lived for, the times he felt alive at all. It was as if Even was the sun. When he was here, with Isak, everything was golden and bright. It felt as if nothing bad could touch them, that they could stay in this room forever, just being together. When he was gone it felt as if the world had gone dark, as if Isak was a shadow of himself, of the person he wanted to be. He was nothing but a shell, nothing but a lifeless doll that went through the motions...numb.

His breath catches in his throat. He can feel his eyes start to sting. He throws an arm over his face, blocking his view of his dark dingy ceiling. He feels anger flash up, bright in his chest. Hasn’t he cried enough? Hasn’t he been miserable enough over this boy? Over someone who probably was never serious about him in the first place. Over someone who just needed a willing distraction from his own fucked up life, his own fucked up mind.  
He can feel the tears start to well over, dripping down the sides of his face, into his hair. 

He focuses on his breathing, making it deep and even. He wants to go back to what he felt before. He wants to be numb numb numb. 

_

Isak misses three days of school. 

On the fourth day he is still lying there in a puddle of self hate and depression when Eskild bursts into the room. The light is blinding and Isak rushes to throw his hands up to block it from his eyes. It makes them burn worse than they already had been, from where he had cried himself out over and over again, thinking of that stupid boy. 

Eskild stands there in the doorway, eerily still for probably the only time in his life, and just stares at him for a long moment. He slumps sideways, leaning against the doorframe, sighing quite dramatically. 

“Isak, it stinks in here.” His nose crinkles up in distaste. “It smells like something crawled in here and died.”

He walks over to the bed, kicking the side of it with his foot. “When’s the last time you washed those sheets? Huh? When’s the last time you picked up in here?” His head cocks to the side, expecting an answer. 

Isak doesn’t give one. He just stares at Eskild, hoping and wishing he’ll vanish back out the door, and just leave him alone. 

Eskild sighs again, put upon, and runs a hand over his shortly cropped hair. “Okay, get up.” He leans down and yanks on the duvet. “Get up, shower, and go to school. Just this once, and I mean only this once I will wash your sheets for you. I’ll pick up a little in here and it’ll do you some good. Living in a pig sty is not good for anyone Isak.” 

He yanks harder on the duvet, so that the force of it slides Isak half off the bed, until he’s half crouched in the floor. “ Get up Isak, all you have to do is get up.” 

And Isak does. 

_

He manages to avoid everyone until he has to go to his sciences. Of course Sana is there waiting at their table. He hates the vague look of surprise that flits across her face. As if he doesn’t already know that his absence has been noticed. As if he doesn’t already know that all of his friends are going to interrogate him and demand an explanation, one he feels too fragile to give. “Why haven’t you answered my calls or messages?” “Did something happen with your mother?” “How’s it going between you and Even? Bets that's why you missed school, been too busy hooking up with lover boy!” Just the thought of facing them has made his stomach sick. 

He avoids Sana’s gaze as he sits down, resolutely looking forward towards the board. He wills his face blank, just gotta be numb, be untouchable. 

He hear’s her scoff beside him. “ The least you can do is thank me after I’ve saved your ass in this class these past few days. Who do you think turned in our assignments?” 

Honestly school has been the last thing on his mind. He’s been a jerk, leaving all of the responsibility to Sana. 

He ducks his head sheepishly, finally glancing over at her. “Yeah, um-- sorry, won’t happen again. And uh thank you, for--” He clears his throat, it feels thick and tight. “ for everything.”

Her look of agitation loosens into one of slight fondness. “ You’re welcome, Isak. But you better not let it happen again. Next time you drop off the face of the earth I’m going to find you and kick your ass.” She thumps him on the forehead, right between his eyebrows, smiling at him in that knowing way that she has. Even though she can’t know, can’t possibly guess what’s happened. 

If Isak was straight, if he could like girls, he thinks he could fall in love with her. For a second he wishes it was so, wishes it could be this easy with someone. She takes care of him without demanding anything in return. Sana is such a good friend, and Isak has done nothing but take advantage. 

He vows to change that, to be a better friends to her, he’s been such an ass lately, caught up in his own head, and own troubles. But everyone has troubles don’t they? He’s not the only one to go through heartbreak, and he definitely won’t be the last person to ever do so. 

_

“So you’re saying he ran out the door, buck ass naked!?” Magnus exclaims, the look on his face only adding to the drama of the statement. The others (Jonas, and Mahdi) sitting at the lunch table all have the same look on their face, in varying degrees. Eyes wide open in disbelief, mouths gaping like fish. It almost makes Isak want to laugh. 

“Yeah, straight out the door, no hesitation.” Isak huffs a little, breath not quite a laugh. 

Jonas is looking at him in that knowing way of his, with his eyes that pierced down deep, every single time they happened to land on you. It’s one of things that Isak used to love about him, still does honestly, just not in quite the same boyhood crush type of way that it had once been. 

“So what was the reason? Why did he not put his clothes on, were you tripping?” Jonas asks. 

Isak isn’t phased by the question, it’s perfectly understandable. It does sound like Even was on something. “No” He shakes his head, “We weren’t on anything. I mean, we drank a little but not even that much.” He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “When I was looking for him, I couldn’t find him, so I called Sonja. She told me...” Isak is having trouble getting the words out. “She told me that he was manic, that he’d been manic all the times he’s been with me. She said that it’s like an obsession, that he thinks that he loves me, but in reality he’s just obsessed with the idea of love with me, and that it will pass.” His throat feels tight, and his body aches with the weight of his words. 

Magnus a noise of sympathy. Jonas looks contemplative. It’s actually Madhi that responds. “Have you even spoken to him, since he left the suite?”

Isak shakes his head “No, he got picked up by the police. I figured Sonja could deal with it, she seemed to know what was best.”

Mahdi shoots him an incredulous look. “She may know him best Isak, but Even didn’t want her. He wanted you, and I bet he would have wanted you to be the one to be there to see him through.” 

This conversation is starting to make Isak uncomfortable. 

He shuffles awkwardly in his seat, “Yeah, maybe.” He mumbles. Seeing his discomfort Jonas changes the subject quickly, ribbing Magnus about his hard on for Vilde. 

_

Isak thinks about what Mahdi said all day long, can’t seem to get it out of his head no matter how hard he tries. Maybe he’s right, maybe Even had good intentions for them, but he just happened to have an episode that night. Maybe it’s not as doomed as he thought it was, and he misses Even so much, so fucking much it actually has created an ache inside of him, pulsing with pain whenever even a wisp of Even crosses his mind. 

He stops walking towards home, and makes a detour to a little park that has a couple of benches, and sits down. He nervously runs the palms of his hands over his jeans, rubbing the accumulating sweat off. He lights up a smoke and inhales greedily, exhaling in relief when he feels the nicotine doing its job. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and pulls up his and Even’s last string of messages. 

Before he has time to stop himself, before he can think it through he quickly types out “Can we meet?” and sends it in a flurry. There’s no taking it back, no undoing the message. He moves to shove his phone back into his pocket, but before he can he sees that Even has replied, quick as lightning. “YES! That would be great, When? Where?” Isak doesn't even hesitate when he replies “Now” and sends his location. 

_

Isak only has to wait about 15 minutes before Even comes jogging up to the park, looking around frantically for him. Once he spots him he stops dead in his tracks, a huge look of relief and a gorgeous smile lighting up his face as he changes directions and comes over. He hesitates when he finally get close enough, before sitting down beside Isak on his bench. 

Isak’s is happy to see him. He truly is, and it numbs the bad aftertaste of the events that happened that night. He even manages a weak smile in return. 

Before he can speak, Even rushes on, “Isak, I’ve missed you. God, it’s so good to see you.” His cheeks turn ruddy with his blush. He seems to be embarrassed and self conscious of himself, which is quite different to what Isak is used to with him. Even has always been so full of life and cocksure. 

Isak’s smile becomes a little more natural, a little more golden. “ I’ve missed you too.”

Even ducks his head down, and they’re both quiet for a while, sitting there with nothing but the sounds of their breaths in their ears.  
This time Isak is the first one to speak. “Even… Sonja told me about you, about how you’re bipolar.” Even has his eyes turned down, shoulders hunched in, as if he’s ashamed. “I just want to know was it real? What we had, was it just because you were manic?”

Even jerks his head up at that, nearly giving himself whiplash in the process. “Of Course it was real Isak! I love you, so fucking much. I know I messed up when I went off my meds, I know. I thought I could handle it, I thought I didn’t need them anymore.” His voice has a little bit of a desperate edge to it. “And I know I should have told you about me, but--” He hesitates, before seeming to get his courage together and power through “but you said that you didn’t need mentally ill people in your life, and I know that’s not an excuse, but I was afraid that you wouldn’t want me anymore, if you knew.” He finishes in a rush, breath sped up and looking up at Isak from under his lashes to gauge his reaction. 

Isak takes a second to process the flood of information he just received. When it finally clicks in his mind he huffs out a little laugh. Even looks at him questioningly, brow furrowed. “ That’s so stupid Even.” He says, and watches as Even’s face starts to close off, as he starts to turn to look away. He reaches out to grasp Even’s cheek, pulling him back until they’re eyes are once again connected. “Do you know why?” He asks. Even shakes his head, “Because I’ll always want you.” He hears Even gasp in response, but he’s not really paying attention to that, all of his focus is on one thing. 

He reaches out with his other hand and cradles Even’s face, before bringing him closer. He kisses him gently and chastely at first. Just light dustings of pressure over their lips. With each kiss it feels as if a little bit more weight has lifted off of his shoulders. Even wants him, He has always wanted him, and even more than he could've hoped for, Even loves him. Even is the first to lose patience with their small butterfly kisses and deepens them. Trying to coax Isak into it by opening up his mouth wetly and nipping at his bottom lip. 

Isak is so happy he can’t help the grin that breaks across his face, effectively ruining their makeup kiss. He can feel Even’s answering laugh against his lips, and they finally break away, not straying too far from each other. Even wraps an arm around Isak’s neck, pulling him in until their foreheads rest together, and they’re heavily breathing in each other's air. Even looks beautiful, and happy, and Isak guesses that he looks the same. Both of them caught up in the euphoric feelings of finally being together again. 

Isak knows that they’re not finished talking. He knows they’re going to have to further discuss Even’s mental illness, and him taking his meds like he’s supposed too. But that can wait for later, because right now everything is perfect, and Isak just wants it to stay that way. 

He feels lighter than he ever has, as if his whole being is made of air. He knows Even means everything to him, and the weight and breadth of that honestly terrifies him a little bit. Even truly saved him from his pit of self loathing and denial, and of conforming to standards that were bullshit anyway. 

Now it’s his turn to help Even, to stick by him and offer his support and love. Yes, Even is mentally ill, but it’s not the end of the world, and they’ll both handle it, together. When times are good and when times are bad, because Isak is not letting him go again, ever. He’s lost too much of himself to Even, and the last week or so has shown him that life without Even is nothing but pain, and he never wants to experience that again. 

He’s shaken out of his reverie by Even, who starts stroking the side of his face gently. His eyes focus and he finds Even looking at him with such fondness. Even’s lips quirk in a show of his characteristic charm. “Come back to mine?” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. 

Isak chuckles, before nodding his head enthusiastically. “Thought you’d never ask.” 

They both detangle from each other and stand, Isak reaching out and grasping Even’s hand as they head towards his home, shuffling forward with their sides nearly plastered together, neither of them wanting any distance between them. 

Isak sighs again, reveling in the feeling, that everything in that moment is perfect.


End file.
